Shrapnel’s Jerk of the Year 2009

TIME magazine started this man or person of the year farce years ago. It apparently gathers media attention giving the publication a holiday circulation spurt. When its picks are met with derision, the editor attempts to redefine the criteria for selection – at this stage it is almost anyone or thing will do if it can hold even a temporary spot light.

This year TIME’s underwhelming pick is Federal Reserve Chairman Bernanke. So it is difficult to determine who is the bigger jerk, the Fed Chairman for his malfeasance in office, or TIME editor Richard Stengal for his airy-fairy selection of Bernanke. Stengal was promoted to the chief editor from writing artsy-fartsy columns for TIME where style trumped substance; his ethereal approach shows when he goes political.

The Fed chairman's ragged reign of power, recently extended by the US Senate, has even self-destructively generated a movement to abolish his agency. One financial critic characterized his activities as pigs breakfast. He has printed money without restraint, arguing it was necessary to save banks who we now know just saved themselves.

Greedybanker is now one word – as a class they are welcomed to my Jerks list.

There is a category of jerks in 2009 who fall under the rubric narcissistic personality disorder; these people need constant adoration and always want bigger conquests. My nominations here are Senator Joe Lieberman, Senator Arlen Spector and super-crook Bernie Maddoff. These contemptible bozos have in common their betrayal of their constituencies whether political or financial. Maddoff is the only one in jail of the three. Pray the other two find justice executed by the electorate.

Another politician who deserves mention as a jerk of the year is Obama's White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanual – his claim to defame is his incompetent management of the Health Care Bill since he insured the White House cut deals with Big Pharma and the Health Insurance companies and expected congress to salute them. It did not. As of this writing, this bill stands in jeopardy of not passing or even worse passing as a form of weak tokenism. I also blame Emanuel for the collapse of Obama's Israeli policy on cessation of Jewish settlements; he surrendered the first time Netanyahu squealed.

Make your own judgement. Stock prices of health care shares continue to soar as the public understands who is winning the advantages from congress in the new pending bills. Follow the price of these stocks, now at a 52 year high, not the Obama apologists for the lobby-gutted bills.

Another gaggle is our illicit lovers list. Politicians who carry on extra marital affairs are as common as cockroaches, aka the John Edwards syndrome; so they are not worth the mention on this list, although the ostentatious born-again evangelist hypocrites do tempt me. But when the world’s greatest golfer, Tiger Woods, has more loose lady friends than golf trophies, you at least take notice. Tiger's love life is between him, his wife, his children, his mistresses, his lawyer and commercial sponsors. Our hero of the links is painfully learning the syntax of celebrity.

However, when Donald Trump, Denis Rodman and Larry King attempted to save Tiger's reputation on King’s CNN show, it should set off laughter – these three swordsmen collectively, probably have had more wives, loves and shady ladies than all the Turkish Sultans of the Ottoman Empire. I include them as Jerks of the Year for their unabashed hubris.

Let us not forget Rush Limbaugh on our jerks list; he just called for the US to bomb Iran. He must have Israeli sponsors for his radio show. He comes from a rich family of lawyers and doctors and after flunking out of college he copped a 4F with a pyloric cyst to avoid the Vietnam war. Rush just shut up. Where were you when you were called to colors? Just another jerk who thinks he is a Dick Cheney clone, except our ex Veep has 5 deferments for the same war... Another Republican hero who wants others to fight his wars.

With Tony Blair out of the running in 2009, had to find another foreign jerk to replace him. It was not difficult; Afghan leader Hamid Karzai popped right up. Hamid is our crooked puppet in Kabul. We cannot live with him or without him – he knows how to steal elections, gather graft, but not win a war. Doubt our pal will be around next year as there is only so much a puppeteer can endure from his puppet who is off the string.

To avoid gender bias, had to find a female jerk. No question... it is Sister Sarah Palin. She could not stand the heat in the kitchen and resigned as elected Governor of Alaska; she lights up the the born-again trailer and hill folk, but cannot get an educated woman's vote. She did inadvertently promote Levi Johnson, father of her illegitimate grandson, as another gay pin-up boy. Just what the world needed. The Democrats really want the bizarre lady to stay; not so sure that the thinking, country-club wing of the Republican Party agrees.

If I have omitted your favorite name from my jerks of the year list, I apologize; there were thousands more. For example, you could write a book on our steroid-pumped, dog-fighting professional athletes. Or pick many vacuous film stars for the list. The irony of my list is that next year a goofy TIME editor may make one or all of them person of the year. Merry Christmas! Colonel Robert E Bartos USA Ret

*Photograph: Etching by Francisco Goya