Halloween is Coming – 2007 Version

October always ends with bang. It is called Halloween; it once was a time when creepy, morbid things like ghosts, ghouls and demons were good-naturedly celebrated. Trick or Treat? As a kid it was my favorite holiday. It has changed... Now many adults don costumes; it has turned into a sort of big city saturnalia where children are afraid to take to the streets sometimes prowled by predators. Sickos even plant drugs and razor blades in their treats.

Last year on Halloween I was in Old town Alexandria, VA for Sunday brunch. Outside, through a restaurant window, there was an endless parade of dogs and their masters. Each dog was in costume. Some even wore glasses and jewelry; several were pushed in baby buggies and strollers; others rode in little red wagons. Their masters were mostly overweight; females wore preppy, sexless rubber shoes and men over 40 years tended to waddle. Nearly all the dogs were pure bred and represented a majority of AKC’s finest. Most of the female singles were pulled around by labrador retrievers, so you can conclude that was the breed of choice for that status of woman. The parade went on for hours. The folks were not glamorous, but their dogs were stunning, even with the absurd decorative accouterments. I did not see any kids in costume.

This year GW Bush's China trade policy will bring us made in China toxic plastic pumpkins, costumes and masks; so run out to buy them and die. If you are a Republican loyalist, it is your duty.

Now that public-bathroom-lurker Republican Idaho Senator Craig decided not resign from the Senate, it has been announced he is to be inducted into the Idaho Hall of Fame. That is better than what Republican Representative Foley received when he resigned for lusting after congressional page boys. According to some blogs, other Republican senators and congressmen may be outed for gay tendencies. If they put on lipstick, false eye lashes and eye liner for Halloween, we will know for certain. What is this? Our leading Republican Presidential Candidate Rudy 9/11 Giuliani pictured dressed in drag? Instead of the Grand Old Party, GOP will stand for the Gay Old Party. BRING THEM ON, as GW Bush says. Should make the Religious Right holy rollers spin just a little faster...

Halloween always needs a magician or an illusionist for a well-balanced, full cast. My nomination is General Saveus Petraeus. Anyone who can try to make us believe that 66 US troops killed in action in Iraq in September is progress after five years of war, should be a charlatan barker at a sideshow. The accuracy of General Petreaus' charts to hawk surge success in front of Congress is still under question. Reminds me of third world police force efforts to reduce crime; they just ignore and not report the crimes. In Petraeus' case, it was to reclassify Iraqi victims from sectarian violence to deadly robberies; it is all magic with dead bodies stacked in different columns.

Going to have a masquerade ball at my place on the 31st of October. Will invite the neocons and Senator Leiberman who will be masqueraded as Americans. Senator McCain masqueraded as sane; Bill and Hillary Clinton masqueraded as a cohabiting couple living in conjugal bliss; President GW Bush masqueraded as the Nobel Peace Prize Laureate; Condoleezza masqueraded as a US Secretary of State; and Iraqi Premier Maliki masqueraded as a person with power. Venezuelan Hugo Chavez will come as Simon Bolivar and VEEP Cheney as Napoleon exiled to St. Helena. If the New York Times favorite agrarian reformer, Cuban Fidel Castro, is up to it, will have him bring a loud, brassy salsa band with a dozen hot exotic dancers. Soirée will be invitation only. Fire arms checked at the door. I promise a real GW Bush illegal alien will park your car. Ice cold Mojitos served. All the lechón you can eat. Only Cuban Cohiba cigar smoking on premises is permitted... TRICK OR TREAT. Colonel Robert E Bartos USA RET

* Photograph: French Illusionist Poster – 1920's