Mad Missionaries & Other Religious Freakiness

Missionaries are a scary bunch – you can argue a mixed blessing. Are they self-righteous jackasses, GOTT IST MIT UNS fanatics who seek to enslave in the name of God? The more primitive or the least educated their targets, the greater their success. Even saintly Mother Theresa of Calcutta had the punies and deep misgivings at the end of her life over the integrity of her ministries. Missionaries administer to the needy and forgotten for certain, but at a Faustian price – your soul in the trade, please.

Leonard Clark's 1953 edition of the book RIVERS RAN EAST, an unsurpassed exploration account of the Amazon Basin also studied the effects of missionary conversions on the naked natives of the region. Once converted to Christianity, the converts had to wear clothing; they then were known as Shirt Indians. Fed by the missionary camps, these new Christians soon forgot how to hunt and gather food; their offspring never learned these jungle survival skills and became totally dependent on the missionaries. They lived between two worlds and became diseased, drunks and slaves to missionary projects. They were totally dependent on religious paternalism; they were de facto slaves and worked mainly on missionary enterprises. Ironically, we are told, they were nearer to God.

GOD GREW TIRED OF US was a documentary film made in 2004 by National Geographic. Its subject focused on the brutal ethnic cleansing in the Sudan, in Darfur. It followed the group, The Lost Boys death march across their country to Ethiopia and back and then, finally into Kenya where they were interned and supported by the UN and missionary groups. If there was ever a group that needed succor, it was this collection of over one thousand 12 -14 year boys without parents or guardians, dodging slaughter by the Sudanese Arabs.

They managed to build themselves a Lord of the Flies society. They were fed and clothed by the UN and Christian missionaries, who also taught them English to augment their tribal Dinko.

The US selected a small group of the brightest ones to become refugees and in the US, sent mainly to Syracuse, New York and Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. Unintentionally, the film proceeded to document their maladjustment. Once they received social security cards, they found menial jobs, worked hard and repaid airline tickets from Africa, but the daily grind was pure misery for them psychologically. They were planted in a freezing cold geographic area, in the midst of white societies and were barely tolerated; they had very little in common with American blacks.

The documentary ends with them bringing relatives over to the US, sending cash to to African relatives and returning to Africa for wives from their tribe. With the help of white activists, using pity politics, they organized into a national political action group to advocate justice for Darfur – some of their leadership began wearing native African dress and headdress. So what did America gain from this forced diversity? It seems to me more social headaches. The missionaries did not do this alone; it took the US government under a reborn GWB.

Haiti still remains White Man’s Burden. While this characterization is considered racist by the politically correct, the missionary groups do not seem to mind, as their business is to lift burdens. Before the earthquake, Haiti had an estimated 500,000 orphans. After the calamity, who knows? The orphanages are run by non-governmental organizations, most religiously affiliated, and there was no central coordination.

Haiti’s exports included tropical fruits, sisal, coffee, and at one time, made all the baseballs in the world. Today it appears its main export is orphans. A squalid group of 10 Baptist American missionaries were just picked up by Haitian authorities for illegally attempting to transport 33 Haitian orphans across the border. It was reported that 60,000 dollars were offered in bribes to free them, but was rejected. Unless released missionaries will remain in stinking Haitian jails where they will now learn about salvation through suffering.

Church groups portray the export of orphans as finding a better life for them. However, according to the NYT, some are sold as slaves to rich land owners, or as sex toys to pederasts while others may find a happier situation. There have been other reports that some are killed and their body parts sold.

So the next time you dig into your pocket to support the far flung missions of your church, remember JESUS SAVES... but you should know at which bank. Colonel Robert E Bartos USA Ret.